Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
