Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
