Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
