So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
