You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize