Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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