I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
