I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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