i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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