i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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