We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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