the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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