I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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