During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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