One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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