I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
