my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
