I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You have to summon your inner elephant
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
