i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I love you. Go after that dick
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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