im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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