Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
