im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
