When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
