Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
