Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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