my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The ass gains better be worth it
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