He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
