Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
