Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
