I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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