Can i not drive my cunt home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
