I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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