Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
