i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
