I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
