girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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