She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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