well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
