You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
