My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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