also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
