Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
