She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
