i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
