new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
