she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
