he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
