what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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