i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
