They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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