My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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