I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
