new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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