I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
