I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
