My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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