The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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