Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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