there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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