we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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