You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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