I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
