Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize