Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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