Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
