remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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