Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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